I have been quiet, isolated and down all weekend. It is only now at 9:05pm on Sunday that I realized why.
It is death weekend.
This is the weekend during which I was meant to die in 2014. I was to be erased. Silenced.
Of course, to bring charges against someone who tries to murder you, you must have proof of those acts. I faced that age-old problem of being up against an empowered person, one skilled in covering his tracks – though also one really bad at murder.
I digress. I am not here to write about the offenses or the offender. I am here to go forward. Forward. Forward to trial. Because I did not die and I am going to trial to hold him accountable for his psychopathy.
Give me today. But from here forward I will not reflect on him. He is a footnote in my life, one cell of millions in my brain. Trial ends my thoughts of him, so I will not let him rule my mind in the coming 98 days, the piece of shit. Just give me today.
I have worked all weekend. I have slept. I have been quiet. I have done things that help me restart my life anew.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of that Monday of 2014, five years ago. It is the anniversary of the first day of the rest of my life. My fifth anniversary of committing myself to survival. So I am here to push from surviving to thriving.
In many ways, I think I have only been surviving until now. My life has been in a limbo of waiting to hear of the next rapes and attempted murders, or God forbid an actual murder. I don’t have to live in limbo anymore. I can actually thrive now, since the law is looking at him without rose-colored glasses.
Tomorrow, like the five last Mondays of April before it, I set out to thrive and stop just surviving. This is my next set of steps toward normalcy and whatever form of bliss I can build for myself from here forward. I am preparing my businesses for self-sufficiency while I am at trial. The film is about to go to Amazon and other outlets, so I am preparing for that at the same time.
I am working to thrive on Day 99 of #100Days until trial. Day 98 will be sunnier. Tomorrows always are.